Believe it or not, this still feels like a dream. No, feels as if it is happening to somebody else and I am on the side, watching and waiting.
Waiting for what, you may ask. I truly do not know. Waiting to see if this was just an experiment, an attempt, or perhaps something more. Waiting to see if indeed I would persevere and turn it into something more. Waiting to see if readers would see it as something more, I guess. Waiting for more stories to come.
It was never about numbers, never about money. Still isn’t. Trust me, those who know how indie publishing works and what we actually make, know very well how it goes. Suffice it to say, the accountant I confered with for advice on taxes had a good, mighty laugh when he heard the figures.
And still I am not planning to give up.
You know what I miss most of all? Not the promoting, not the royalties, not the reviews, not the publishing. I miss writing when I am not writing. I miss creating worlds when I am not. I miss empathizing with my characters when I am not. I miss having that unique part of myself gain power as I write, that wonderful feeling of being there with and for everyone, and yet also strong and on my own, with my stories, plots, scenery and characters, completely oblivious of MYSELF.
It’s a unique feeling when you are creating – you are more yourself than at any other moment, and yet YOU, to your own self, are completely irrelevant. And amazingly enough, it spends so much of my energy, I can eat like a horse or not at all, sleep like a log or not at all, and yet I am more alive, vibrant, energetic and happy than ever, and I share that positive energy with everyone, without even being aware of it. I love better, help better, feel better and look better than ever.
That is what I miss, no matter how much I still love teaching, which I do as my day job. And I do love it. Sometimes, even teaching gives me that feeling.
But creating, writing… Oh yes.
#amwriting #amteaching #amlearning