Anita's Haven

books, thoughts, stories, poetry, interviews, writing

You are who you are. Me – I’m a teacher.

I am a teacher. A teacher of English, to be precise. And I am proud to be a teacher. You can’t run away from it – you are who you are. These long days, during which I was unable to teach, I have missed it terribly – both my demanding learners and my wonderful colleagues.

I cannot begin to tell you how fulfilling it is when your learner, be it a child or an adult, masters something, understands something, learns something with joy and for life. I cannot begin to describe how it makes you grow as a person when a kid, in front of a full audience gathered for the final performance, tells you ‘you know, that blue stuff on your eyes does not look good on you’, or when a teenage girl tells you what she wants to be and then gathers the courage to tell her parents… Or when an adult person tells you they finally love learning.

I will always be grateful to those who discovered this in me, gave me my first shot, offered new opportunities and challenges. In these 25 years there have been beautiful, difficult and sad times, but it is what it is – love.

The greatest compliment I ever got was given to me by a young genius, a high-school graduate at the time, who said: ‘Do you know why I like learning with you? Because you always want to know what WE think, and not what the book says, and then you listen to our opinion.’

I’m a little bit late but still – happy World Teachers’ Day to all who are or feel like teachers!


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Why I was away…

Some day I will tell you the entire story of the manuscript in the photo below, The Silver People. It was about 2 months after my SAH, burst brain aneurysm surgery, which I woke up from sightless, but kept writing and talking in both Croatian and English, sometimes simultaneously without knowing it. I cannot tell you the horrors our brains can create when afraid – when a simple path from your kitchen to your bathroom seems like heated lava spilling over Saruman’s orcs workshop in LOTR. The mind is a force of nature and we its minions. But faith, love and kindness are relentless, too. The mind is a force of nature.

So this is why I was away for a year. I’m coming back. I still have a lot to say and do.

#aneurysm #WorldMentalHealthDay

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Who is SHE? – B. J. Tiernan

Another amazing lady joining me for the ladies’ interviews in May is author Beverly J. Tiernan, a retired History teacher who never rests, author of the philosophical thriller Standing on a Whale and a beautiful histfic romantic life story Yield. Here is her take on my non-question based interview, and some of her exciting news at the end.


What do these words mean to you, Beverly?


When I see the word DREAMS, a little childhood chant comes to mind that has changed my life forever. The message hidden in this little gem is profound. ROW ROW ROW YOUR BOAT is the chant and here are the nuggets of wisdom it offers:

ROW, ROW, ROW means do what you do – go to work, clean the house, raise your children, write a book, etc. YOUR BOAT Don’t row somebody else’s boat, ROW YOUR OWN BOAT and leave everyone else alone. How do you row your boat? GENTLY, always with love and kindness. Where do you go? DOWN THE STREAM not up the stream against life, but flowing down the stream with life – trust and let go. With what attitude do you do these things? MERRILY, MERRILY, MERRILY, MERRILY Why? Because LIFE IS BUT A DREAM…This is the philosophy I live by.


I choose not to participate. I know what and who causes stress in me and I set up loving boundaries to keep those people and situations at bay. No drama, No trauma. That’s the motto I live by.


Ah, my favorite word in the English Language. It took me a long time to get it, now I have got it. To release – to let go of – toxic thoughts, toxic people, toxic relationships, toxic food, toxic beliefs, toxic judgements. As soon as we learn how to let go and RELEASE, life gets a whole lot easier.


Support is a funny thing. For me personally, I support those who support me. If I support those who do nothing to help me, then I become an enabler. When I die, I intend to leave my hard-earned money to those who have been loyal and supportive to me throughout my lifetime, not to those who have done nothing to support me or help me along my way. Buy hey, that is me doing my thing in my own boat. Please, don’t judge me. Stay in your own boat and I won’t judge you either. P.S. I do not feel this way about giving to the poor. Those who are helpless to help themselves are the exception.


When I see this word, I think of role MODEL. Role models are everywhere. People, animals, nature, our bodies. Some of my best teachers are not people, but situations and inanimate objects. There are sermons in stones if one will but listen.


There is no ISSUE. I observe people and situations and learn from my observations. I take my good from where it comes and leave behind what is not in harmony with me.


We each have come here on a sojourn, a journey. We have the right to fulfill that journey with no interference and judgment from others. Once we learn to free ourselves from the good opinion of others, stay in our own boats, and leave others alone in theirs, the JOURNEY is on.


Everything is relevant to something. Our task is to figure out what is relevant to us and to our own lives. Then we must decide what to do with it. As long as we move in love, I think we move in the right direction.

9. JOY 

JOY is a choice. It is a state one can live in every day. For me, JOY comes from living in a state of gratitude. Giving thanks EARLY, LATE, AND OFTEN for all that I have. That’s what keeps me in JOY.

10. HAVEN  

My HAVEN is my writing space. When I am writing, I am in a space like no other. Time matters not, Food matters not. Problems matter not. I am in a cocoon of inspiration that takes me away, kind of like a Calgon Bath. 

And here is the bit of news from Beverly…


Wolf Schimanski and I have formed a writing partnership called TierWolf Creations. We are currently working on our debut novel. We have dubbed the genre as Metaphysical Thriller, but there are lots of surprises in this story, some that surprise even us. Wolf is the gold and I am the alchemist. Two authors who met along the way and have been given the chance to create something special together.  

Yield – blurb

Marley Cover has lived in Lake Wales, Florida, since she was five.

While the country heads into the Vietnam War, a small town anxiety overtakes her, as she desperately searches for the man of her dreams.

Marley focuses on her career as a physical therapist and meets her first patient, Peter Rensen, son of a local ranch owner, who doesn’t wait long to propose marriage. Peter adores her and he’s a good man, but sparks are not flying for Marley. Longing for a family of her own, she eventually relents and says “I do.” She has every reason to say yes and only one to say no.

She meets that reason on her wedding day. His name is Warren, and he’s just come back to town. From the first touch of his hand, Marley is infatuated, but her decision has already been made.

The accompanying anxiety of the war looms on, as Marley struggles with the intimate impact of the burgeoning uncertainties of these troubled times.

Torn between love and loyalty, Marley faces some of the toughest decisions of her life.


Thank you, Beverly! Happy writing!



Ever gotten this kind of a review/motivation for your book? Bev Tiernan, you are one of a kind♡. Everything this lady does is unique:) My first children’s book in rhyme (which should be out this summer), just got this poetic comment via email (posting here with author’s permission). 

Just read through your story

And read it with speed,

Don’t make any changes

There is no real need.

The characters are lovely

There’s no need for fright,

I love the cool ending

It all turns out right.

The lesson is taken

And taken so proudly,

One must spread the word

And yell it out loudly.

Whenever a flaw is in us at all

We must face it bravely

And follow our call.

So happy Hank did this and found his own way,

It just makes me want to shout out HOORAY!!!
B.J. Tiernan

Overwhelmed by huge support from fellow teachers and authors for my upcoming children’s book. You warm my heart and help me go on. Every second of your time is appreciated, and every line of (constructive) criticism, advice and praise is cherished. 

Especially now that the school year is in its finale, and all those who are teachers, like myself, know what a stampede that can be. I just squeezed this post amongst work phone calls, email trainee conferences, lesson planning, re-recording lesson music and stories, and I’m not even at work yet…. woohoo. Coffee time and then something exciting. 

Onwards and upwards!  Ready steady…

#amwriting #amteaching #newbook #kidlit

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Watch this #now. Keep your #creativity alive. Keep your soul alive.

#art #parenting  #life 

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Believe it or not, I can never have enough advice on writing (and living, for that matter;). As always, it is wonderful to get advice from someone kind-hearted, experienced, honest and professional, and if you are lucky to be friends with such a person – all the better. 

Today I am so pleased to welcome award-winning multigenre author, a hard-working and optimistic mother, and an admirable human being Traci M. Sanders. You may have read my reviews of her books here already (children’s, romance, non-fiction). She is here today to promote her amazing series of non-fiction books and shed some light on writing children’s books. Since I myself write children’s books, I plan to follow her advice as best I can.


Traci Sanders is a multi-genre, multi-award-winning author of ten published titles, with contributions to three anthologies. An avid blogger and supporter of Indie authors, she writes parenting, children’s, romance, and nonfiction guides. Her ultimate goal is to provide great stories and quality content for dedicated readers, whether through her own writing or editing works by other authors.


TIP 237: Know your audience – part 1 – children’s books and middle-grade fiction

The following tip can be found in Beyond The Book: Tips on publishing, marketing, and networking to build your brand, available now in digital and paperback format.

Before writing a book of any genre, it’s important to know your audience—know their likes and dislikes as far as characters and plots, and know their attention spans.

Middle-grade books would obviously not be as short as picture books, but not as long as traditional novels either. As well, some adult readers might feel cheated by a novella-length romance book.

Here are a few guidelines for children’s books and middle-grade fiction:

Children’s picture books:

  • Animals are always favorite character types for kids this age.
  • A typical picture book is 32 pages, and around 24 illustrations, 500-600 words, no more than 1000, 1-2 single-spaced ms pages.
  • Young children respond to faces, especially faces of children their age.
  • The words should be challenging enough not to bore the adult who may be reading it to the child, but not overly sophisticated that the early reader can’t read it alone.
  • Avoid preaching or lecturing, to parents or kids. A subtle lesson on friendship, sharing, or the like is acceptable, if done tastefully.
  • Make sure the book has an actual plot, not just words thrown together haphazardly, even if they rhyme. It has to make sense to be memorable.
  • Use child-friendly artwork.
  • Bad guys never win, if any bad guys even exist in these books.

Early readers – first chapter books for kids:

  • Target age is 4-8 years old.
  • May or may not have real chapter breaks, could just be small images or large words that separate the sections.
  • Typically, no more than 1,500 words, 3 or 4 single-spaced ms pages.
  • Font size is smaller than that of picture books, and the verbiage is a bit more challenging to encourage early reading skills.
  • Very few images, but the ones present may be black and white rather than color.
  • Reads much like a 30-minute television show. The conflict is simple and is solved fairly quickly.

Children’s Chapter Books:

  • Target age group is 6/7 to 9/10 years old.
  • Even more so than in picture books, don’t be preachy. Kids this age hate that.
  • Between 5,000 and 15,000 words, between 30-40 single-spaced ms pages.
  • Very few pictures, if any. If they are funny or sketched images, (cartoonish), they may work.
  • Doesn’t use adult language, sexually-oriented words, or overly sophisticated verbiage.
  • Fantasy, comedy, and mysteries tend to be big sellers in this age group.
  • The story doesn’t “talk down” to kids this age. Nothing cutesy.

Middle-grade fiction books:

  • Target age group is 8-12 (often called tweens).
  • No pictures needed, except for cover art, of course.
  • Middle-grade fiction can be anywhere between 20,000 and 35,000 words, some even up to 50,000 (for advanced readers), around 40-60 single-spaced ms pages.
  • Contain some teen-ish content/language. Perhaps a slang word or two, but no profanity or sexual situations.
  • The kids run most of the show in these books, solve their own problems, with very little help or interference from adults.
  • Real-life issues are popular in this genre – boy/girl interactions (typically not sex, though), coming-of-age problems (pimples, menstrual cycles, betrayal by best friends, peer pressure, etc.,).
  • Kids learn life is not always pretty – child abuse, divorced parents, death of loved ones, during this stage of life.
  • Relatable characters and lots of action.

Certain guidelines must be followed if you are writing for traditional publishers, but even if you are self-publishing, it’s a good idea to stay within the realm of themes, page count, and structure.

Traci Sanders
Award-winning author of parenting, children’s, and romance titles
~Reviews keep authors writing~

Thank you so much for sharing this advice, Traci. I will make sure I check it before publishing another kidlit! 

And FYI, dear readers, here are some of Traci’s other books, just to show you where her vast experience comes from. 

Her recent contributions to two interesting anthologies of short stories.

These are two contemporary romances with different settings, but a common message – love will prevail.

And finally, from Traci’s previous career days of childcare provider – parenting guides and children’s picture books.

Keep writing, Ms. Sanders!


I’ve decided to give away two prizes during this tour:

*ONE unsigned paperback copy of Before You Publish Volume I

*ONE unsigned paperback copy of Beyond The Book Volume II

To enter, all you have to do is email me a proof of purchase of a digital copy of either of these two books during the tour.
I will draw TWO winners total, at the end of the tour. Please email your proof of purchase (can be a screenshot) to


Too flattering to resist, average as I may be:)

It is no secret that Elizabeth H. Newton is one of my favourite new authors. To appear on her reading list is an unbelievable treat in itself.

For those of you who still haven’t sampled her writing  take your pick – from the amazing short stories in several anthologies (Gems of Strength and Gems of Gratitude, the Ghostly Writes, Awethology Dark and December Awethology Dark Volume, and the fabulous contributions to Twisted Tales and Crooked Tales…) to her histfic mystery View from the 6th Floor, suspenseful thriller Riddle, and even the latest romance/erotica Carved Wooden Heart – this lady will not fail fans of the genres. My favourite – E.H.Norton uncovering the hidden evil that lies among the everyday people.

The following is a reblog from Between the Beats by E. H. Newton:)

My Top Indie Reads of 2016 –

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IS KINDNESS OVERRATED? – guest post by Elizabeth Moore

Sharing her own life story and thoughts on kindness, author Elizabeth Moore is here today. Read more about Elizabeth below her story. Thank you very much, Elizabeth!

Is Kindness Overrated?

By E. C. Moore

I suppose I could say kindness is overrated, if I were speaking about the sort of false humanity masquerading as kindness these days, especially on the Internet. So many causes, so many tragedies, so many sad stories greet us on any given day, and all that is required is a click of the LIKE button to show empathy. We sympathized—as easy as that. No need to do anything more.

But, I’ve been the beneficiary of true kindness enough times to recognize true kindness when I see it. Clicking a button to show sympathy doesn’t begin to meet the requirement. Good deeds, whether small or large, entail personal commitment. And let’s face facts, personal commitment is being replaced by virtual exchanges that require little more than a few hastily-typed words of compassion in response to adversity and need. End of story. Moving right along to the next post…why, just look at that adorable baby animal photo, how good it feels to put that unpleasantness behind!

I married too young. We eloped. My brand-new husband had just dropped me off on his way to work. As I lugged my heavy suitcase down the hallway to our newly-rented, partially furnished apartment, I met the woman from the across the hall. She introduced herself and began to bombard me with endless questions. When she learned that one so young (I was eighteen but looked even younger) had just gotten married, she placed one hand over her heart and said, “I ran away to get married too. It won’t be easy you know.” I had already come to that conclusion on my own, and it hurt to hear it spoken aloud. When she finally said goodbye I unlocked the door and hurried inside.

The kitchen was tiny. I opened the refrigerator and pondered the cold empty shelves. I’d never had a bank account and didn’t have a penny to my name. My new husband would be my sole source of income. My stomach churned.

I hurried to the bathroom, and after I had finished using the facilities I realized there was no toilet paper. There were no towels, no shampoo, no sheets on the bed, no staples, no pots and pans, no silverware! My heart pounded wildly as a question screamed through my panic-stricken mind. How would we be able to afford the necessities needed to set up housekeeping?

A knock came at the door. Through the peephole, I saw the familiar face of the woman from across the hall. What a relief!

She rushed in and set a big box down on the dinette table. “You’ll need all this and more,” the kind-hearted woman told me, “Look inside.” I opened the flaps and began to pull out various items: a sauce pan, fryer and stock pot, salt and pepper shakers, spatulas and wooden spoons, dishtowels, potholders, plastic canisters, measuring cups and spoons, a nesting set of mixing bowls, four dinner plates, miss-matched mugs, silverware, and a dog-eared copy of The Joy of Cooking. I can’t remember what I said. I’m positive I didn’t express the gratitude I felt and she deserved. Overcome by her generosity, my response was inadequate at best.


Three years later. We had just purchased a house of our own, it wasn’t located where we wanted to live but the place was affordable and we planned to fix it up and sell. After two days suffering fevers from a terrible flu that had sent the two of us and our small son to our bed, I woke up feeling much better and ravenous, as I was eight months pregnant. It was just after eight o’clock at night. The cupboards were bare, so I told my husband I was taking our son out to pick up some wonton soup from the drive-thru Chinese place. I hopped in our pick-up truck and took off. It was then that I realized how light-headed I felt. As I made my way down the wide boulevard the truck began to sputter and I ran out of gas, just managing to pull over to the side of the road across the street from a huge city park. This was in the age before cell phones. I had better find a pay phone.

I held my tiny son’s hand as we approached a cluster of buildings. No phone in sight. A group of men played basketball. One, sitting on the sidelines called out, “Hey, pregnant wonder, what are you doing here?”

“Is there a pay phone nearby?” I squeaked.

“You in trouble?” another voice rang out from behind me. I whirled around to see a big, scary looking man. The sight of him frightened me and I promptly snatched up my son.

“I think she’s lost,” the one from the sidelines called.

The big man squinted. “You lost, cupcake?” he growled, proceeding too close for comfort, so close I could smell the alcohol on his breath.

Another voice rang out, this one female. “There you are!” she cried. I flinched when I felt a hand touch my shoulder. “Let’s get out of here,” she said as she gave me a slight push. I followed the woman with the long hair across the lawn and towards the boulevard. “What are you doing out here?” she asked.

I relayed my story in her VW bus as she drove me to her house. I watched her fetch a spouted can from the side of the garage. Once we returned to my truck and she poured enough gas in my tank to get me to a station, she insisted on following me there. “Drive straight home,” she said once my tank was full, “This town is full of assholes and perverts. I’m getting out ASAP, going back to Arizona, just as soon as I save up enough money. Don’t you know you shouldn’t venture out at night? Ever!” I can’t remember what I said. I’m positive I didn’t express the gratitude I felt and she deserved. Overcome by her generosity, my response was inadequate at best.

These are but only two accounts of kindness from strangers, friends and loved ones I’ve been lucky enough to benefit from. The list of kind people I’ve encountered is too long to clog up Anita’s blog. I do my best to “pay it forward” whenever possible. When the elderly woman in line in front of me at the market doesn’t have enough to pay for her cabbage and onions, I kick in the extra eighty cents. When a friend’s brother finds out he has a brain tumor and needs money to come back home, I donate what I can spare. It’s not always about money though—the giving of our time is usually the greatest gift.

If someone tells you kindness is overrated, how will you respond?

About the author


EC Moore is the author of INCURABLE, to be released by Booktrope Publishing July 2015. When Elizabeth’s not writing feverishly, you will find her out walking or sightseeing. She’s crazy about coffee, books, cooking, good wine, cairn terriers, miniature ponies, historical houses, tapas, and witty people.

She resides in a fifties bungalow in Southern California, with her creative-director husband, a yappy blonde dog, and one feisty Chihuahua.

E. C. Moore’s website
E.C. Moore on Amazon


IS KINDNESS OVERRATED? – guest post by Julia Greef

The author of todays’s guest post is Julia Greef, a teacher, poet, blogger and artist friend I met through an international online teaching community. She is a lady of so many versatile skills, who lives across the globe from me, works and lives in a different culture, and yet we see eye to eye on so many things. I was wondering how she would answer my blog topic question ‘Is kindness overrated?’ and here it is.

by Julia Greef


Is kindness overrated?
I find this an odd question, because it seems to me the only possible answer is that kindness is very much underrated.

While a word or act of kindness may feel like a gratifying ray of sunshine on a good day – something that enhances our day but doesn’t necessarily make or break it; when we are down, suffering, worn into the ground, dejected, feeling alone, struggling, in despair, carrying the weight of the world on our shoulders and at a loss for what to do, a simple word or act of kindness can pierce our heart with its gentleness and have us weeping tears of gratitude. It can restore our faith in not only humanity, but in life itself; and it can radically transform lives – both our own and the lives of others.

When we are touched by an act of kindness we are jolted suddenly out of our everyday preoccupations into our heart space. As we make this move from head to heart, our heart opens and expands and we feel more at ease; more centered; more aligned with ourselves, with our world and with the Universe. We are brought back to the truth of who we are as we are reminded of the endless capacity for love and compassion that lies at the heart of all of us. So a word or act of kindness is a potent healing force, bringing us back to ourselves and our intrinsic wholeness.

When we touch the life of someone else with kindness, all the blessings that are bestowed on them are also bestowed on us. We feel more present, more connected, more vibrantly alive. We feel this ‘rush’ of kindness expand from our heart into every cell of our body. By choosing to be kind we are actively expressing the highest and most noble part of who we are; knowing this we feel beautiful from the inside out. And, I ask, what better feeling is there than that?

If you really want to start to feel good about yourself; your day; your week; your life, choosing to incorporate conscious words and acts of kindness into your day-to-day life is one of the best ways to go. Scientific research has found a multitude of benefits related to ‘practicing’ kindness – from reduced stress and increased self-esteem to greater happiness and an all-round sense of well-being. It would seem that kindness is as much a healing force in the life of the person being kind as it is in the life of the person on the receiving end of the kindness.

So our kindness is a precious gift we give to others and, at the same time, a legacy of love that we bestow on ourselves. Quite apart from all the aforementioned benefits, it is my belief that we can only know the beauty and the depth of our most essential nature, can only appreciate our own intrinsic worth and value, when we cultivate kindness. And as we do so we grow in love; both for ourselves and for all of existence.
Just to make a good thing even better, kindness is never more than a fingertip’s breadth away. We always have the choice to be kind in any and all situations. And every time we make this choice, we are honouring both ourself and the other – demonstrating our deep respect for the divine spark of life in them, which in and of itself is enough to render them worthy of our love; and, at the same time, showing our deep respect for the life that we are by choosing right action and the expression of the highest aspect of our being.
And when we choose to be kind in the face of persistent unkindness… The world may see it as our weakness; but I am of the opinion that in that capacity for kindness lies our strength, our beauty and our grace.

Far from being overrated, I don’t think we can ever really know the deep and penetrating significance of our kindnesses. Every time we choose kindness we radiate love and well-being out into the world; and this is a world that is in desperate need of such tremendously potent and powerful healing energies.
We literally have no idea how profoundly one word of kindness from us, one single act, can impact another. That one word of kindness, that one loving action, may be the one that helps them turn the corner in their life.

And let us make no mistake, a single act of kindness is by no means a single act of kindness. It sends ripples out into the world, touching the lives of all of those in its wake in an ever-growing circle of grace. A ‘solitary’ act of kindness is like a single drop of rain in a paddy field, sending out ripples that effortlessly expand to its very banks.

If more people were kind more often, imagine what a different world this would be.


Kindness being a choice we make in each moment, this is not just some impossible pipe dream too good to be true. We can create a world rooted in kindness, and the place to start is with ourselves.
I’m quite sure you’re already kind; because kindness, love and compassion seem to be impulses that are an intrinsic part of us. It’s like we have a compulsion deep within us to be kind. A need to allow this loving, compassionate part of us pour forth in words and actions that send ripples throughout the world – right to its very ‘banks.’

But however kind you already are, it is also true that you could choose right now to consciously sow more words and acts of kindness ‘on your turf.’

Try it and see how it makes the people around you feel.

See how it makes you feel.

See how your relationships blossom and your days grow in happiness, as you honour the divine spark of life in yourself and the divine spark of life in others in this way.

I can promise you the ripples will be far-reaching.

If enough of us commit to this we can transform the world, for we are the ones making the world in which we live – which means we are the ones with the power to change it.

I’d like to finish with the words of the Dalai Lama:
“Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.”
This, for me, says it all.

Julia’s Pottery

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IS KINDNESS OVERRATED? – guest post by Frank Daley

The Kindness blog posts have insoired many people from different areas of life to approach me and send their contributions, each taking their own view at things. Today I welcome Frank Daley, who talks about selfless friendship kindness, and too much of it. Read more about his work below his post.

By Frank Daley

When a surfeit of “kindness” hurts the self.


Evidence confirms that the quality of Kindness is underrated and underrepresented in our daily lives.
In general.
But in one specific application, kindness it is overrated by people who believe it is their greatest virtue.
I’m thinking of those young girls and women (it’s more women than men in my experience) who say that their very best quality is “being a great friend.”
You would say this is a great quality and so do I but sometimes it is carried to extremes.  When some young people explain their feelings further they indicate that are harming their already low self-esteem.
Let me explain.
For many years I was a college and university professor.
Some of my work involved teaching personal development and college success strategies to students who were either in first year or pre-college programs. Most lacked adequate academic qualifications, study skills, literacy suitable for college work and self-confidence.
Secrets of Student Success, my course, was designed to help them learn about themselves and improve their self-image and their attitude to education.
I had faith in them and tried to show them that they could succeed in becoming self-directed, successful students.
As part of confidence-building, I’d ask them to tell me what they felt were their best personal qualities so we could apply them to academic life.
Many of the female students said their best quality (sometimes their only quality) was being a ”great friend.”
They were very specific about this and said things such as “I would do anything for my friends.” “I am always there for them.” ”Whenever they need me, day or night I am there.” “It doesn’t matter what I’m doing, I drop it if a friend is in trouble. “ 
This demonstrates the perfectly valid quality of kindness until we contrasted it with their grades and their academic intentions in college.
Most wanted to be nurses or work in other health science fields.
I asked them to tell me their grade average. It was Ds and Cs at best. I explained that the nursing faulty would reject anyone with an average less than B. They had never been B students.
Then I asked them why they constantly rushed to aid friends when they needed to concentrate on their own problems, studying, getting good grades and learning. They admitted that idea had never occurred to them—they said those were two “different things.” Many were emotionally distraught at first.
They had low self–esteem, valuing friends’ problems over their own.
They felt their friends were more import than they were and that’s why they rushed to their aid at the expense of their own needs.
There are other factors at play here, of course, including the natural desire to be liked and accepted, but the main result of their thoughts and actions was self-abnegation.
Kindness was over-valued in their eyes and they didn’t see its opposite: they acted as if they were less valuable, less worthy of time, work and energy, than their friends.
This betrayed a lack of self-worth, and that contributed to a lack of self-confidence. I suggested that if this continued it would destroy any hopes they had for a good education.
Most reluctantly (at first, but soon, enthusiastically) agreed that they had to think of themselves first. Not to abandon their friends, but to put the whole question into perspective.
“No greater love…” Yes, except the love of yourself must come before the love of your friends.
Kindness is a virtue the world needs, but not in this misguided way.
In this sense, wrong-headed thinking about kindness damages, the self.

Frank Daley

About the guest author (provided kindly by himself):


I am the founder of Self-Knowledge College.
I help people know themselves so they can make better decisions for themselves personally and professionally.
Core Book: Who Are You and What Are You Doing Here? The way to know yourself and get what you want.   (Available only from me at this time. Amazon edition coming.)
My site for at-risk students and their worried parents, Dropout to Dean’s List.
Blog, The Daley Post.
Kindle books:
What’s Your Problem? No, really, what IS your problem? The Sherlock Holmes Guide to Problem Identification; How to Know Yourself: 4 Steps to Self-awareness
How to Stop Dating Losers and Find a Good man (or Woman)!
The Secrets of Success Through Self-Knowledge (Through SKC site)
The Secrets of Student Success Through Self-Knowledge (through DDL site)
Contact: Facebook – Frank Daley; Twitter – @TheFrankDaley; LinkedIn – Frank Daley

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